This is not a drill! I repeat, this is not a drill! BECAUSE WE KARATE CHOPPED THE DRILL!!! HIYYEEEAAAHHHHHH!!!!!
That’s right folks, while you’re humming and hawing at home about that script you’ll never write or that mountain you’ll never climb, there are REAL PEOPLE out there in the REAL WORLD chasing their dreams! Cue Mark Debonis, a Toronto comedian known for his staggering delivery and peculiar choice of subject matter. Many have debated over the years, is the man a genius, or simply insane? And finally, we found ourselves the answer: Insanely Genius.
I had the opportunity to sit down with Mark DeBonis in his Malibu homestead where he was nice enough to give me a brief tour of his gazelle farm and impressive collection of assassinated president Pez dispensers. The air was thicc with aromas of chemdawg and copulation. I knew in my gut this exposé was going to be my big break.
We sat down on his marble exercise balls and discussed all things Send A Chop: The world’s first ever karate chop delivery service! I couldn’t help but admire his dedication to the craft when Jackie Chan himself waved at me from a glass box.
The following is the unedited thoughts of a man who wants to not only karate chop the world… but karate chop your heart.
What is Send a Chop?
DEBONIS: Send a Chop is the first EVER karate chopping delivery service! You pick an item to be chopped and tell us where to bring it, we show up and whoever the chop is for gets to karate chop it in front of their peers!
What inspired you to come up with Send a Chop?
DEBONIS: Honestly I used to love karate chopping pencils when I was a kid. There was nothing more satisfying for me then breaking some wood the city way with your hands not an axe. So I was looking for a way to bring it back into my life and I happening to say “send a chop” to some one and it had a flow and I was like why not…
Are you afraid of any repercussions in the case you chop the wrong person? For example, a ninja.
DEBONIS: No, cause there will always be a waiver signed. The fear will be from everyone in the office who just witnessed the quiet guy/girl in the corner who just karate chopped something in front of them.
Why is karate chopping so awesome?
DEBONIS: It’s mind of matter.
Why do I want to karate chop you right now?
DEBONIS: Cause you never started send a chop.
If you could karate chop any celebrity dead or alive who would it be and would you do it when they’re dead or alive?
DEBONIS: I would karate chop future me for becoming famous after Send a Chop, it would be the ultimate promo… Think about it, past Mark karate chopping through future Mark…
What was the first karate chop you ever seen?
DEBONIS: I think the doctor karate chopped my umbilical cord.
Have you ever seen someone karate chop through a phonebook? It’s the coolest thing ever right? Will Send a Chop have phone book chopping services?
DEBONIS: I have never in life seen someone chop a phonebook, but on line yes. Honestly it is for sure one of the coolest things, I am more of a cinder block guy myself.
And yes I am trying to find out ways to safely introduce things to Send a Chop so people will not hurt themselves.
Are karate chops superior to karate kicks? Specifically, the flying bicycle kick.
DEBONIS: It’s hard to say, cause if you can successfully pull of a sweet round house or axe kick that is pretty cool, but for more real life situations the chop is more reliable… in my opinion.
How will the public react to karate chops showing up on their front door?
DEBONIS: Straight chops.
Once you’re done supporting Send A Chop, show Mark a little love by buying his latest album Mars on iTunes! HIIIIIIIYYYEEAAAHHHH!!!!!!!!!!